Today I was supposed to be enjoying day two of The Gospel Coalition* conference. But here I sit having just started my fourth load of laundry and mopped the floors. I posted an instastory about feeding kids and I got a couple messages saying I was a saint. It was a gut check for sure. Because a saint I am not. Lest you think higher of me than you ought (or lest I ever think higher of myself than I should), I’ve been throwing myself the best pity party for one (and it included Netflix and chocolate – that does sound a lot like my normal life but trust me, pit-y part-y). Yep. I have. And I’m not real proud of it. In fact, when I finally admitted it, I was kind of embarrassed.
You see, I have every right to be disappointed that my plans for a a spiritual bucket-filling trip were canceled due to one little person getting influenza. But a pity party? Really, Karlee? You didn’t really need to get that upset, did you? At the time I felt like I did. While I only shared my sorrows with a few friends (who honestly should have told me to snap out of it or threw some Bible about true sorrow at me or just said read the Gospel), I still danced with the disappointment longer than I any person should over a conference.
But in my sinful, selfish heart, I had pity on myself because I am a stay-at-home mom who leads a very bland life. Not bad at all. Just not exciting (and I wouldn’t change one bit of it for something “better” or “exciting”). I don’t get coffee dates with friends. I don’t get to go out for drinks after work. I don’t get to wear fancy clothes. Heck, I rarely get to wear new clothes. This was my chance to put on my non-mom clothes and do something I spent months looking forward to, instead of doing what I do every day.
You know what though? It’s okay to be disappointed when crummy things happen. But it’s not okay for me to sit and stew thinking I somehow had earned it. My heart and flesh are sinful even in this. I took something good and elevated it above the Giver of good things. I had no real reason to drag on the disappointment for days and all the emotions that came with it because I’ve been made alive in Christ! That’s the best thing that could ever happen to me! It’s waaaaaaaaay better than something good I wanted to go to!
I’m not even sure if any of that made sense. But I want you (to the random one and only reader of my blog!) to know, I am no saint because I have a large family or appear to have my life in check. I’m not even close. I get upset over little things that won’t matter when I stand before my Maker. I throw myself pity parties because I am sinful and selfish and I am human just like you. Thankfully God sees His perfect Son when He looks at me and that deserves the best party!
I do want to end on a happier, more picture-filled note! In no particular order – a mini rundown of TGC 2017, my pity party shopping trip, a sick girl, my favorite baby dude (he’s three months old!!!!!!!), a really good album, and my only curly-ish haired son:-)
*The Gospel Coalition conference is a must! Seriously! It’s the best conference I’ve ever gone to!!!! So if it’s in your budget to only go to one conference go to this one. It will be give you something more than any MLM conference can (yep. I said it. No. I don’t regret it). So sign up and go next year! If you regret it, find me and I will give you a hug (cuz that’s probably what you need).
real motherhood 