Today has been rough. Real rough.
I am going on 4 hours of non-consecutive sleep. And it sucks. Like real bad. I have consumed a half-pot of coffee before 8am. By myself. My pee smells like coffee and I half expect it to be brown. Yep. And even then, I considered dragging my kids to Starbucks to get espresso.
I am tired. They are tired (that’s what getting up before five in the morning to play will do to little people). I have a little human sucking all the nutrients and energy out of my body 24/7. I have four kids that I am actively trying to teach to like and love one another, to say words kindly, to be selfless instead of selfish, to love Jesus, to live Jesus, to listen to and obey authority (right now this is me and their awesome dad) even when it seems unfair or dumb. Frankly, I suck at it. All of this would go so much better if I did these things well. But I don’t.
That’s why I am thankful for Jesus.
Just when today seemed like it was going to end up in the garbage before it even really had a chance to begin, my kids (the ones that can at least talk) and I sang “Jesus Paid It All” and “Nothing But the Blood” together. And I was reminded AGAIN that this is what joy is. Joy is sitting in the midst of the yuck – as Cooper would say – and remembering what Jesus did…what Jesus does every single moment for me. He says “Karlee you are wiped clean. And this day may suck (Jesus probably doesn’t say the word suck but you get the picture) and you will fail but I have you in my hands and you are washed white as snow, so get up and keep on going because I got this.”
I am still exhausted today and still contemplating making a run to Starbucks after nap but I know that Jesus has this day and me and my little children in His hands and that gives me the joy and strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Because joy does not equal happiness, because joy is so, so, so much better.