It’s been awhile. I have had bloggers block. Actually, I haven’t. I’ve just been bone tired.
I have been up several times every.single.night. with more than one child. All things ranging for crying from nightmares to coughing fits to lost pacis to little boys thinking 3am is wake up time. I have also started my new job and it pays me real money. This pays me nothing. So work trumps writing or typing or recalling funny moments on the computer screen.
Between the sleep deprivation and the new responsibilities I am getting use to, I am trying to find the balance of it all. And it is times like these where I get to myself. It’s the little voice that creeps in where tiredness lies. Where I start to doubt my ability to be a good wife, mom, friend, servant, volunteer, job holder. The lies this world tells me come out when I am up late getting water for a thirsty child or busy bleaching my basement because of stupid tree roots (can someone tell me why my sewer can’t back up during normal plumbing business hours so I don’t have to pay extra because it is late at night?) or trying to get all my children to nap at the same time or not burn dinner. It is this little voice in my head that says, “You suck at this!” And when I am tired, I have the hardest time not believing it.
I like to think of myself as a good advice giver. If this were a friend coming to me asking for advice or just looking for reassurance, I would say, “Hunny (in my best southern drawl), God is in control. He won’t let you down. He loves you. He’s in love with you. You are in the safest hands possible. Dontchaknow? (switching to my Minnesota accent)”
So, tonight, work is finished. The children are all in bed. The dishes are done. And I am going to crawl into bed and get the sleep my heavy eyes and weary soul need. I am going to snuggle up close to the best friend I have here on earth and thank God that I have Jesus and just enjoy the moment because it will pass and soon enough someone will be needing something and I will have to muster up the strength to do it or at least ask Garrett to do it (just being honest here).
And since this is my 119 REAL mom Wednesday post and this post was about me and not the craziness that being a mom brings, I thought I would share part of Psalm 119 (v. 41-42) that breathes deep into my soul right now on these days of exhaustion.
“Let your steadfast love come to me, O LORD, your salvation according to your promise; then shall I have an answer for him who taunts me, for I trust in your word.”